The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
BRING THE BAGELS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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