This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
