did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
