We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
