Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
