I'm going to jail i love you
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
