I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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