Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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