I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
