I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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