I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
