i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
