If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
