I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
