So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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