gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
