The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
