My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize