Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
