Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
