If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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