Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
