she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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