you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
