I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why did my mother make you get naked?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
