how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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