He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
