I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
