I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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