I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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