its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
