Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Randomize
