This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
