Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
