I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
