I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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