I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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