Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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