he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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