no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
