So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
