Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
