I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
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