Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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