I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
