My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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