Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
