true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
