I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize