Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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