She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
