shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
bring money and cleavage
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
