booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
