Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
