Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
love makes seman taste better
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize