He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
