the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
