I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize