I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
