Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
