Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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