I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
