I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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