We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
