be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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