She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
