EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I will be naked everywhere
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
