now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
