so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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